Love Love Love

I know, I have been MIA since July.................................
I just haven't had time.....
Because I have been too busy...........................


......falling in love.....................

More to come....I promise..........

<3

Blind Faith

Our service today at church was awesome!

One thing I love is hearing stories that move me, inspire me, give me chills. Today, our pastor told one.

Some background: Our church has been holding services in the gym at a local college for the past 8 years. The lease is running out and will not be renewed, so the church is in need of a building. They have searched and searched and searched and searched. They finally found one but need a lot of money to buy it. In researching, the pastor found out that 87% of the church members give less than $50 per month to the church.

So, 2 weeks ago, he had a service about it. He had never talked about money before, but felt that it was a big problem because the members cared more about money than their church and God.

Today, he told us that after the 11:30 service on that day 2 weeks ago, he was praying to God that no first time visitors were at the church that day because he didn't want to turn them off. Then a woman and a man walked up to them. The woman said:

Hi. This is my first Sunday. (Our pastor cringes). The service was good. My husband and I have been married for 4.5 years and we have been doing it "our" way and it isn't working. We need God in our lives. God spoke to me today and told me that I needed to do something. I need to give you my wedding ring, and you are to sell it and use the money toward the building. We paid $16,500 for the ring.

Pastor Matt: No, no, I don't want your ring.

Woman: Listen, you must take the ring.

Pastor Matt: OK, ok.

So he took the ring and the woman and her husband left. The next weekend, there was a marriage retreat at the church. Matt had the ring with him and told the story of the woman who was called to give by God and followed him on blind faith, even as only a first time visitor to the church.

Later, a man at the retreat came up to Matt and told him that he wanted to buy the ring. He told him that it was probably only worth half of what she paid for it, but that he wanted to buy it for $17,000. Pastor Matt said deal.

Then, after the man wrote the check and handed it to Matt, Matt was handing the ring to the man when he said "No, I don't want the ring. There is just one thing you need to do. You need to give that woman back her ring."

At this point during the service, I am balling. I look around and others are too.

Blind faith. God called to the woman and she LISTENED. And she was blessed.

Amazing, isn't it?

Hairspray. Sweet.

My sis Kel was in Minnesota for the last 7 days with her boyfriend Greg visiting his family and friends. We were looking at pictures this evening when she stopped to tell us a story about Greg.

They drove for three hours from a place they were visiting in Wisconsin to go to Greg's good friend's wedding. Upon checking into their hotel, they had 1 hour to be totally ready to go. Kel started to get ready and realized that she didn't have her hairspray. She asked Greg if he would mind checking out the hotel gift shop to see if they had any to buy. So, awesome guy that he is, he slipped on his flip flops and headed out.

25 minutes later, Kel was a little panicked because Greg hadn't returned and she was worried about him! Just then, he walked into the hotel room, completely drenched in sweat, holding a grocery bag.

"Honey, where did you go?!" Kel asked.
"I went to get you hairspray, but I had to run the whole way because it was kinda far to the store and I knew we didn't have much time to get ready." Replied Greg.
"Oh my goodness, I just wanted you to check the gift shop! Thanks so much!"
"Well, you said you needed it."

Some people I know are just awesome. Awesome enough to run two miles in flip flops for some hairspray.

:)

"Why do I only live with a Mom?"

Tonight on the way home from picking Brenden up from Jason (Ethan is away at church camp), he blurted out "Why do I only live with a Mom?" HUH? I asked him to repeat the question. He asked it again before clarifying by saying "I mean, why don't I live with a Mom and a Dad?" Insert sound of my heart breaking here.

See, Brenden turned 2 just two short months before Jason and I separated in December 2004. He doesn't remember that he ever lived with a Mom and a Dad, together. To him, life has always been about back and forth and up and down, and sometimes sideways for that matter. In choosing the best dad for my son I failed him. I failed both of them.

We were driving and I was caught off guard and I didn't do a good job of explaining it to him either. What are you supposed to say? Well, kid, your dad is a cheater and a liar and wanted to live with someone else instead of me? No. So I told him that his dad and I used to be married but we got a divorce. To this he said "Huh? Why'd you get unmarried?" His little voice was so small, so innocent. All I could muster up was telling him that we didn't get along. He didn't understand that. So I told him that we weren't happy together and he seemed to be okay with that explanation.

Then he changed subjects to my iPod.

Poor little guy.

Car accident

By the grace of God I narrowly escaped crashing into another car and a wall on the way to work today. It was awful.....I burst into tears when I realized I hadn't crashed into anything and no one had plummeted into the side of my car (considering I swerved into the carpool lane). My heart went crazy.

That's all.

I don't know what to call it

I realize that a few of my recent posts have been about men, and I do apologize, but honestly, when I sit down and open up blogger, it's what is on my mind.

How can a woman who has been through what I have ever trust a man again?

At this point, I wonder if it's even possible.

As a teen I was infatuated with someone who used me over and over again, beating out of me any self confidence that I may have had.
At 18, I was married to someone who I couldn't talk to over dinner.
By 22, my husband had cheated on me at least once. I found out when his girlfriend showed up at my front door. I was four months pregnant.
At 24 I discovered that my husband was unfaithful again, only this time he wanted to leave me for his new girlfriend.
At 25 I was divorced with two kids.
At 28, my new boyfriend broke up with me for absolutely no apparent reason, claiming differences in lifestyle.
Then, that boyfriend tried relentlessly to win me back since he "couldn't think of anyone else but me."
Finally he stopped calling me out of the blue, eventually sending me an email to explain why it just isn't meant to be.
At 29, my current age, I have been through a string of men who, without fail, think that I'm the best thing since sliced bread at first. With constant flattery and attention giving, they woo me into believing that I actually am so damn special. Then, in a matter of days, weeks, maybe a month, without warning, I am suddenly not as special as I once was....I'm just like everybody else, and I am; I become, forgotten.

How would someone like me ever again be able to smile rather than scoff at a compliment, laugh at a joke rather than roll my eyes, believe words instead of doubt them?

I don't think I can anymore.

I am SO appealing!

I realize I blog about dating a lot, but oh well, sue me.

I just wanted to express these thoughts:

If I ever have to hear a man tell me how...

- Gorgeous
- Funny
- Smart
- Fun
- Intelligent
- Beautiful
- Awesome
- Wonderful
- Interesting
- Responsible
- Sexy
- Great at kissing

...I am EVER again in describing why he doesn't want to pursue dating me anymore I swear I am gonna shoot him!

If only I owned a gun!

Match again

I'm not sure why but I just signed up for Match.com again. I already regret it. That's $45 bucks I'll never see again. And for what? A few winks from some booty-funk and boring guys? Ugh. I need a bowl of ice cream.

Something is Missing

I have been told that with God in your heart, you will be full.
I have been told that children bring meaning to life.
I do believe that both of these are true, but even with all of the love in my life, sometimes it feels like something is missing.

I admit that it is exciting to meet new people and learn about them. I am fine with "Hello, it's nice to meet you." It's exciting to talk to someone new and click with them. It feels good to branch out.

But sometimes, honestly, I wish only to be able to look over at a kind, familiar face and say "I know you, everything there is to know, and I love you," without wondering if they will be around next month, next year or next decade. I don't want to wonder if it's ok to call someone. I don't want to think about someone and hope they are thinking of me. I want to have a life with someone. I want to grow old with someone. I want to have lasting love with someone who I adore and who adores me back, unconditionally.

I guess this is what we all want, so I know, this is no news flash.
It's only how I am feeling at this exact time on this exact day.
Something is missing, indeed.

Weird Sweet-N-Low Dude

Last week, my sister and I made a stop at a nearby restaurant to have some yummies before proceeding to Small Group. We sat inside originally but moved a while later to the patio because it was just too cold for us inside. Upon leaving, we asked for iced tea in to go cups so that we could bring them with us to the meeting. As we were walking out, I remembered I wanted a Sweet-N-Low in my tea, but there were none on our table since we had moved mid-meal. I decided that it would ok to walk up to a table where a man was sitting and ask if I could have a Sweet-N-Low. So, that's what I did. After I asked, he didn't respond, or look at me. I still reached down and took one as I asked again "Is that okay?" With that, he shot his eyes at me briefly, moved his lips ever so slightly as a sort of "mmmhmmm" and then pretty much rolled his eyes quickly!

I was so surprised! I said "thanks," while getting outta there as fast as I could! It was sooooooooooooooooooooo weird you guys, seriously. No, seriously, people are weird!

Hold on and don't give up!

A few days back I got in my car after work and proceeded to my ex's to pick up the babes. After a few feet, I noticed a big ol' grasshopper hanging out right outside the passenger window. I continued to drive, assuming he would fall off, or fly off, or jump off, or just get off my car somehow. But through the side streets he remained.

As I entered the freeway, I was positive he would make his exit. Instead, he held on, even as the wind pushed him to his breaking point. I watched him curiously during the few minutes on the freeway and thought for sure his little front legs were stuck and that he would be dead when we arrived. I actually felt bad for the little guy.

When I arrived at the house, I looked over and to my great surprise, he was still alive, standing back upright!! He had mustered everything inside himself to hold on for dear life!! Either that or grasshoppers have some super duper sticky feet!!!

"Most of 'em shock the hell outta me..." - Vivian Ward

Has anyone ever experienced the feeling of shock when someone does something that hurts you, even when their past behavior has proven that they will, time after time, hurt you?

It happened to me a couple days ago.

First it was like BAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM SHOCK.

And then it was me wanting to cry several times.

And then it was me feeling stupid that, despite my afore mentioned chances to KNOW better, I had believed what they said and I had put trust in them.

And at last it was as if the finality of it all sunk in and I accepted it.

I mean, honestly, I am still a bit shocked and rattled, but I have chosen to draw the line and walk on. I cannot allow myself to be shocked this much by people any longer. I believe it's the desire in my heart to see the good in people. Or maybe I'm just naive.

Small Group

Joined a small group....
I've been twice now. I like it so far.
What they do is take the sermon from Sunday and expand on a it a little, with questions and discussions about the points of the sermon.
Today the sermon was on decision making. Did they know I'm the worst decision maker of all time? So they asked us to text "Heart" or "Head" to this number on the big screen depending on which mode we used to come up with our decisions. My text, of course, was "Heart." Then they did an instant tally of texts to come up with a percentage of each. It was neat! The result was pretty even...49% of us use our hearts, 51% use our heads. Then the pastor got into how we really shouldn't use either of those modes, but use God instead. Simple as that. We need to listen to the small, quiet voice of God to make our decisions. Makes sense to me. I wonder what God will say next time I ask him whether I should have the Thai crunch salad or the veggie sandwich? HeHe totally kidding! I just threw that in there for those of you who know how deep my indecisiveness runs! So anyway, this week at Small Group, we'll discuss all of this. I'm kinda lookin' forward to it...

Whatchya waiting for?

I am 29.


I am not getting any younger.


As these facts are sinking in deeper every day (along with the wrinkles on my face), I realized the need to do my best to stop thinking about someday and start thinking about today.



Earlier I thought for a few moments about things that I'd like to do in my lifetime. There are many many many things, but a few of them quickly popped in my brain during those few moments.



1. Finish reading the Bible.


2. Run a marathon.


3. Stay in an over water bungalow in Bora Bora.

(Can't you just picture me in there?)

4. Travel to Ireland, Italy and Alaska (to name a few).


5. Do a mud run.


6. Get married. (I reserve the right to remove this or any item from the list at any time btw).


7. Have a daughter and name her Kate or Avery.


8. Sike!!!!!! I don't want to have a daughter. Just thought I'd throw that in there to keep you on your toes. ;)


9. Get my Masters Degree. Just have to decide...one of: 1. Guidance, 2. Business, 3. Physical Education, or maybe all three.


10. Complete a triathlon (an Ironman would be amazing).





These things aren't in any particular order, they are just all things that I'd like to do...goals I'd like to obtain....items I will put forth effort to accomplish. Some are more important to me than others, but I would like to do them all. And there is more where that came from. I better get busy, eh!?

The Little Things

I have always promoted "The Little Things" as the things that make life a little sweeter and the day a little brighter. It is usually the little things that matter most to me [and most women I know] in dating and marriage. For example, the other day my sister was beaming while showing me a note that her BF Greg had left on her dresser or somewhere. It was a plain lined piece of paper, turned sideways, with a note written in pencil "I LOVE YOU KELLIE" with a little side note slanted up to the right that read "till the end." That little gesture made her heart fill up.

But little things can be done for friends, too. They are not always man/woman things.

Today, I received a "little thing" from a good friend and coworker Melissa. She actually called me to ask if I could use a couple of coupons she clipped out for John's Incredible Pizza. "DUH!" I told her! So, she sent them up to me via interoffice mail. But the coupons were not what made my day. The package they came in did.



Check it out:




She actually printed out that picture of E.T. (get it, E.T.? hehe) and taped it to the envelope. It probably took her all of 2 minutes, but the thought of it is just so cool. She wanted to make me laugh, and she definitely did, and I love 'er!

I also paid it forward this evening when I left a little "love note" on each of the boys' pillows...just a ripped up piece of paper with "I love you Ethan" and "I love you Brenden" written in a couple colored pencils that were laying around. :)

Experience as a Hindrance

I have been following my old (from high school) friend's blog....Life After My Twenties.....and she has recently been writing about dating. Brooke, who we all know and love, made a comment on her blog about the difference between dating in the younger years...teens and early 20s....and the not so young years...late twenties and 30s...and beyond I suppose. She said that it must be different because you have a better idea of what you want when you are older, whereas those that date and even get married when they are younger sometimes make poor choices. That sounds familiar! Anyway, I was thinking about it and I realized that with the experience, I became wiser, smarter and pickier. The problem is that I am a little wiser (I know a lot more about myself and men in general), a little smarter (but I still do stupid things in dating), and A LOT pickier. Great guys are suddenly OK and OK guys are losers.

It's like I find myself spouting out "pass" before the cards have all been dealt, and quite honestly, it's like I find myself not even willing to play because I just don't feel like checking out my hand.

I'm beginning to realize that this could all be due to the fact that there are people in my life right now who are satisfying my current needs. Perhaps I should take a closer look at them...

Quotes

Just wanted to remember to talk about these -- I'm at work now, so later...

Matthew 11:28-30 "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

"The more honest you can be (with yourself and with others) about who you are and what you need to be fulfilled, the more likely you are to create a life that’s right for you." ~Unknown

Happy for Lovers

Haven't we all been there? Where we see others in love and we HATE them for it? We hate them because we don't have what they have?

I can say for certain that I have been there. I have been bitter and jaded and resentful.

But it has passed.

Now, I can only thank God for blessing some of those close to me with true, real, deep love. My sister Kellie has gone through huge trials of the heart. And now, love has found her. My best friends Brooke and Ryan are inseparable. I am SO happy for them.

I don't know if soul mates exist or if there is one best mate for each person, but I do know that there are couples who love each other so much that they can't imagine life without the other. Isn't it wonderful that in this huge world filled with evil, sadness and tragedy that kindred spirits can find each other and just know?

It is such a blessing.

Slumdog Millionaire

That was a realllllly good movie. Action, drama, suspense, history and love all rolled up into one.....so good.

A little info on my Starbucks cup

Yesterday morning, I decided to treat myself with a Starbucks. I was sort of shocked when I read "The Way I See It #51" on my cup which stated:

"Americans spend an average of 29 hours a week watching television - which means in a typical life span we devote 13 uninterrupted YEARS to our TV sets! The biggest problem with mass media isn't low quality - it's high quantity. Cutting down just an hour a day would provide extra years of life - for music and family, exercise and reading, conversation and coffee."

That's over FOUR hours PER DAY!! Do people actually watch TV that much-on average?
And if they actually do, how ON EARTH do they find the time??

After work, errands, dinner, kid homework, kid activities, kid night time rituals, and housework, how the hhhheeeeeeeeeckkkkk would anyone have time to watch more than an hour of TV per day? Maybe they stay up all night? I don't know, I just don't get it.

Now, I wouldn't call myself a TV hater, I do enjoy TV and good TV shows, but I can't imagine spending THIRTEEN years of my life watching TV programs. In fact, I am so far behind with my favorite show Grey's Anatomy that I am at risk of not catching up at all! And I got so LOST by not being able to watch Lost on a consistent basis that I had to throw in the towel (I do hope to rent the show season by season and have an all weekend Lost marathon in the future, however.) :)

I do realize that I am a bit of an exception because I am a single mom and there is a whole heck of a lot of work to do all the time, so I guess I can see how a single person with no kids could spend all their free time watching TV (how not fun), but this 4 hours a day thing is ON AVERAGE, and most households I know of have children in them which means TOO BUSY for TV. Or maybe it's just the kiddos who watch TV all the time so our average is way up. Or maybe I'm just not an effective manager of my time.

In any case, I think we are wasting our lives away people. Just turn it off! ...Unless it's something interesting like Jon and Kate Plus 8 or Ghost Adventures! hehe - Just kidding!

Nothin'

Oh my loyal 2 to 3 followers - how disappointed you must be in me! (ha)

I can't believe how long it has been since I have posted a blog! And yet, I have nothing! How boring I must be! I feel like driving somewhere cool so that I can take lots of pictures and post them here (hehe that was for you and Ry, Brookie)!

Current Events:

- Love a house - Want it - reining my hopes in....or trying to.

- I believe my car was tampered with - or at least fixed wrong - which led to a $2,600 bill that I had to pay and now I have to sue their stinky butts. Sucks. A lot. Like a TON.

- Still reading Twilight. It's taking me forever. I guess I'm just not as interested in it as some people. hmm.

- Trying really hard not to go in the kitchen and make cookies, and then eat them all, right now.

I guess that is about it. WOW, I AM boring!!

I am "The Rule."

Saw "He's Just Not That Into You" last night. Ooowee that was a cute, fun, eye-opening movie. I mean, I'm not a young girl, and I've been around the block, but even with my abundance of experience with men (haha), I think I still somehow thought I was the exception! I have really used the words "I guess he must have died!" when someone didn't call me like they said they would. C'mon, you know, I'm so great, right?! I'm smart, pretty, fun, yada yada yada, how could I be lumped in with all the other women as THE RULE?

Easy! I am the rule! Not an exception at all! It was a hard pill to swallow, but ladies and gentleman, I think I did it! Aren't you proud? :)

Dumbass

So we were on our way home from the late service at church tonight and I was confiding in my sister, someone who I consider a best friend and sister all rolled up into one. Her response was simple. She summed it up as follows:

Kel: You are SUCH a DUMBASS!

Me: Thanks.

Kel: But you know, it's ok...(lovingly rubs my back in a circular motion)...it's just who you are.

We proceeded to laugh for the next few minutes.

Thanks Kel!!

I think I might be crazy...

I heard on the radio this morning that the weather in Riverside should be around 80 and beautiful for the next 4 days. For the next 4 days, I won't be enjoying the beauty, however. Instead, I will be freezing my ass off in Indiana! The following is what I just read on Weather.com. Please take special note of what is written in yellow.

... WIND CHILL WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 1 PM EST FRIDAY... ... WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY IS CANCELLED...
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN INDIANAPOLIS HAS CANCELLED THE WINTER WEATHER ADVISORY. A WIND CHILL WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT UNTIL 1 PM EST FRIDAY.
VERY COLD AIR TEMPERATURES COMBINED WITH NORTHWEST WINDS OF 15 TO 20 MPH WILL PRODUCE WIND CHILLS BETWEEN 15 AND 30 BELOW ZERO AT TIMES TODAY.
WIND SPEEDS WILL DECREASE TO BETWEEN 5 AND 10 MPH TONIGHT HOWEVER AIR TEMPERATURES WILL BECOME VERY COLD AND WIND CHILL VALUES SHOULD REMAIN IN THE 20 TO 30 BELOW ZERO RANGE AT TIMES OVERNIGHT AND INTO EARLY FRIDAY MORNING. SOME IMPROVEMENT IS EXPECTED ON FRIDAY AS AIR TEMPERATURES FINALLY BEGIN TO WARM UP.
A WIND CHILL WARNING MEANS THE COMBINATION OF VERY COLD AIR AND STRONG WINDS WILL CREATE DANGEROUSLY LOW WIND CHILL VALUES. THIS WILL RESULT IN FROST BITE AND LEAD TO HYPOTHERMIA OR DEATH IF PRECAUTIONS ARE NOT TAKEN.

You guys, I'm seriously nervous about this! I MUST BE CRAZY to leave such beautiful beach weather in January to take the chance of frost bite and hypothermia.

Good thing I am also CRAZY about my wonderful friends. And I miss them like CRAZY!!!!

Grandma Evelyn

My sweet little Grandma Evelyn passed away yesterday.

I went to see her a couple of days before she passed. She told me that I looked beautiful and that my eyes were the same. The look in her eyes and the smile on her face made my heart fill with joy...

Thinking of her in this time has brought back so many memories.

She watched my sister and I quite a bit when we were kids. She carted us around. I remember visiting her mom in the old age home. Her mom had dementia and often didn't know who any of us were; I remember Grandma's apartment in Covina and all her cats, the food she made us and how it was so healthy and I didn't like it very much then; banana pancakes, shaped like animals - those were good; borrowing her Reader's Digest in the bathroom when I was about 8; watching Days of Our Lives and The Price is Right; a little tiny stuffed dog she took everywhere with us - Le Mutt; the way she always corrected our grammar; watching plays at the Fontana Players...and the memories just keep coming.

She wasn't my biological Grandma, but she was my Grandma nonetheless. I loved her and I will always think of her fondly. I thank God that she passed at an old age, in her sleep, surrounded by her loved ones who were given the wonderful chance to say goodbye.

A New Year

I resolve to be a better person...
...to be more patient
...to worry less
...to love more
...to give of myself