I realize that a few of my recent posts have been about men, and I do apologize, but honestly, when I sit down and open up blogger, it's what is on my mind.
How can a woman who has been through what I have ever trust a man again?
At this point, I wonder if it's even possible.
As a teen I was infatuated with someone who used me over and over again, beating out of me any self confidence that I may have had.
At 18, I was married to someone who I couldn't talk to over dinner.
By 22, my husband had cheated on me at least once. I found out when his girlfriend showed up at my front door. I was four months pregnant.
At 24 I discovered that my husband was unfaithful again, only this time he wanted to leave me for his new girlfriend.
At 25 I was divorced with two kids.
At 28, my new boyfriend broke up with me for absolutely no apparent reason, claiming differences in lifestyle.
Then, that boyfriend tried relentlessly to win me back since he "couldn't think of anyone else but me."
Finally he stopped calling me out of the blue, eventually sending me an email to explain why it just isn't meant to be.
At 29, my current age, I have been through a string of men who, without fail, think that I'm the best thing since sliced bread at first. With constant flattery and attention giving, they woo me into believing that I actually am so damn special. Then, in a matter of days, weeks, maybe a month, without warning, I am suddenly not as special as I once was....I'm just like everybody else, and I am; I become, forgotten.
How would someone like me ever again be able to smile rather than scoff at a compliment, laugh at a joke rather than roll my eyes, believe words instead of doubt them?
I don't think I can anymore.
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2 comments:
My best friend...you have been used and abused by the best of em', but I know there are good guys out there!!! Stay strong- there is someone wonderful out there for you.
I love you!!! We can share Ry for the next 2 weeks, k? xoxoxoxo
My story is some what different, but the same. I can relate on so many levels. Being lied to. Allowing someone to break me down emotionally.
married at 19. divorced at 23.
new boyfriend at 23, decide to have a baby together at 25, get married at 26, divorced at 29 again.
And all kinds of shit inbetween.
I cant pretend to know what it feels like to be cheated on while pregnant, but I do know what it feels like to lose all hope and faith in people. and believe that I made bad decisions, and feel like I could never love someone again because it will just fail.
Remember you arent dead yet, and they were all just par for the course. Lessons in life that have made you stronger and I am sure will come in handy when raising two beautiful boys.
You are a good woman, a beautiful woman and you deserve to have a good relationship. and you will.
Fear is normal, bitterness is normal. just dont let it screw you out of your chance at all you deserve.
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