By the grace of God I narrowly escaped crashing into another car and a wall on the way to work today. It was awful.....I burst into tears when I realized I hadn't crashed into anything and no one had plummeted into the side of my car (considering I swerved into the carpool lane). My heart went crazy.
That's all.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
I don't know what to call it
I realize that a few of my recent posts have been about men, and I do apologize, but honestly, when I sit down and open up blogger, it's what is on my mind.
How can a woman who has been through what I have ever trust a man again?
At this point, I wonder if it's even possible.
As a teen I was infatuated with someone who used me over and over again, beating out of me any self confidence that I may have had.
At 18, I was married to someone who I couldn't talk to over dinner.
By 22, my husband had cheated on me at least once. I found out when his girlfriend showed up at my front door. I was four months pregnant.
At 24 I discovered that my husband was unfaithful again, only this time he wanted to leave me for his new girlfriend.
At 25 I was divorced with two kids.
At 28, my new boyfriend broke up with me for absolutely no apparent reason, claiming differences in lifestyle.
Then, that boyfriend tried relentlessly to win me back since he "couldn't think of anyone else but me."
Finally he stopped calling me out of the blue, eventually sending me an email to explain why it just isn't meant to be.
At 29, my current age, I have been through a string of men who, without fail, think that I'm the best thing since sliced bread at first. With constant flattery and attention giving, they woo me into believing that I actually am so damn special. Then, in a matter of days, weeks, maybe a month, without warning, I am suddenly not as special as I once was....I'm just like everybody else, and I am; I become, forgotten.
How would someone like me ever again be able to smile rather than scoff at a compliment, laugh at a joke rather than roll my eyes, believe words instead of doubt them?
I don't think I can anymore.
How can a woman who has been through what I have ever trust a man again?
At this point, I wonder if it's even possible.
As a teen I was infatuated with someone who used me over and over again, beating out of me any self confidence that I may have had.
At 18, I was married to someone who I couldn't talk to over dinner.
By 22, my husband had cheated on me at least once. I found out when his girlfriend showed up at my front door. I was four months pregnant.
At 24 I discovered that my husband was unfaithful again, only this time he wanted to leave me for his new girlfriend.
At 25 I was divorced with two kids.
At 28, my new boyfriend broke up with me for absolutely no apparent reason, claiming differences in lifestyle.
Then, that boyfriend tried relentlessly to win me back since he "couldn't think of anyone else but me."
Finally he stopped calling me out of the blue, eventually sending me an email to explain why it just isn't meant to be.
At 29, my current age, I have been through a string of men who, without fail, think that I'm the best thing since sliced bread at first. With constant flattery and attention giving, they woo me into believing that I actually am so damn special. Then, in a matter of days, weeks, maybe a month, without warning, I am suddenly not as special as I once was....I'm just like everybody else, and I am; I become, forgotten.
How would someone like me ever again be able to smile rather than scoff at a compliment, laugh at a joke rather than roll my eyes, believe words instead of doubt them?
I don't think I can anymore.
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