See, Brenden turned 2 just two short months before Jason and I separated in December 2004. He doesn't remember that he ever lived with a Mom and a Dad, together. To him, life has always been about back and forth and up and down, and sometimes sideways for that matter. In choosing the best dad for my son I failed him. I failed both of them.
We were driving and I was caught off guard and I didn't do a good job of explaining it to him either. What are you supposed to say? Well, kid, your dad is a cheater and a liar and wanted to live with someone else instead of me? No. So I told him that his dad and I used to be married but we got a divorce. To this he said "Huh? Why'd you get unmarried?" His little voice was so small, so innocent. All I could muster up was telling him that we didn't get along. He didn't understand that. So I told him that we weren't happy together and he seemed to be okay with that explanation.
Then he changed subjects to my iPod.
Poor little guy.
1 comment:
My heart breaks for you just reading this. I know your pain. I didnt experience the cheating side of the divorce I cant imagine that hurt, but I do know the sound of your kid asking why their life is different. We know they are well taken care of, we know they have all they need and are loved above all else. But we cant give them the nuclear family with a Mom and Dad and a white picket fence and that kills us some times.
Emma askes me on a regular basis if I will marry Gator, she askes why she doesnt have brothers or sisters. And she tells me some times she doesnt like that me and Daddy arent married anymore, and that she liked it better when we lived in one house together.
I just tell her Daddy and I love her, and still are friends and are happier to live seperately and be divorced. Sometimes she goes on about it for about 15 minutes and it kills me, then pisses me off! But, I just do what I can to move passed it.
You didnt fail. You would have failed if you stayed and lived with someone you didnt love and forgave for things you shouldnt. :) youre a good Mommy, just remember that!
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