"Why do I only live with a Mom?"

Tonight on the way home from picking Brenden up from Jason (Ethan is away at church camp), he blurted out "Why do I only live with a Mom?" HUH? I asked him to repeat the question. He asked it again before clarifying by saying "I mean, why don't I live with a Mom and a Dad?" Insert sound of my heart breaking here.

See, Brenden turned 2 just two short months before Jason and I separated in December 2004. He doesn't remember that he ever lived with a Mom and a Dad, together. To him, life has always been about back and forth and up and down, and sometimes sideways for that matter. In choosing the best dad for my son I failed him. I failed both of them.

We were driving and I was caught off guard and I didn't do a good job of explaining it to him either. What are you supposed to say? Well, kid, your dad is a cheater and a liar and wanted to live with someone else instead of me? No. So I told him that his dad and I used to be married but we got a divorce. To this he said "Huh? Why'd you get unmarried?" His little voice was so small, so innocent. All I could muster up was telling him that we didn't get along. He didn't understand that. So I told him that we weren't happy together and he seemed to be okay with that explanation.

Then he changed subjects to my iPod.

Poor little guy.

Contract of Devotion

To follow up my last post, I thought it would be appropriate to blog about a very touching "Contract of Devotion" that was signed by my friend Reyna, her husband Tom and their son Brody. Brody is Tom's stepson but Tom is now being acknowledged as "Dad" since Brody's biological father has not played an active roll in his life. I felt compelled to share this "Contract of Devotion," as Reyna shared it with me (and gave me permission to blog about it). Not only is it a wonderful idea, but is wonderfully written, and despite it's seriousness, it is really damn cute! It brought me to tears because it was created out of genuine love and really demonstrates what a great dad is, and what a family is about...even if the family is a blending of what was at one time two separate families.


Contract of Devotion and Union
October 2008

The following “Contract of Devotion” (COD) shall be considered a Philp Phamily legal document and thereby upon signature, group hug, and kiss, the contract terms shall be adhered to and abided by at all times from this date forward.

Description of Contract

This COD is an agreement between Thomas Philp (Dad) and Broderick Sorensen (Brody) and is intended to affirm the union of Brody and Dad as father and son.

The COD is a sign of devotion, genuine loyalty, commitment and dedication between father and son.

With the approval of Brody’s mother, Reyna Philp (Mom), and at the request of Brody himself, Dad will legally be named as Brody’s father within the Philp Phamily Phoundation and is hereby granted all rights and responsibilities as father.

Although the following terms and conditions have been in place since 2002, the parties involved felt compelled to sanction their devotion and union as father and son.

Terms and Conditions

The following terms and conditions apply at all times and have been agreed upon by all parties:

Dad Promises the Following to Brody:
Dad promises, at all times, to provide unconditional love, support, affection, hugs, kisses, discipline, advice, and attention to Brody.
Dad promises to attend all school meetings, sporting events, extracurricular activities, science fairs, doctor and dental appointments, and birthday parties of Brody unless there are extenuating circumstances. In the event of an extenuating circumstance, Dad will provide Brody with an explanation ahead of time, if possible, and the explanation will be a good one!
Dad promises to treat Brody, as he has for the last 6 years, with respect, care, and admiration.
Dad promises to continue his bond with Brody and support his needs whenever possible.
Dad promises to teach Brody mechanical skills, rifle skills, tool names and designations, and at least 3 different knot variations and how to treat girls.

Brody Promises the Following to Dad:
Brody promises to obey, respect, love and value Dad.
Brody promises to abide by Dad’s rules at all times.
Brody promises to accept and appreciate all of Dad’s hugs, kisses and “I Love You”s, even when it might be uncomfortable, or embarrassing. A kiss from Brody to Dad, however, is not required to show love and affection, although it would be greatly appreciated and happily accepted.
Brody promises to continue being a good young man, keeping up his grades in school and being an all around good son.
Brody promises to speak kindly and make good choices.


Additional Contract Item
Surname Change Request

At the request of Brody, with the support and authorization of his Mom, Brody would like to use the last name of Dad and from this day forward, Brody will be known as Broderick Philp within the Philp Phamily Phoundation. Brody, at any point, may terminate this portion of the contract.

After a period of time, determined by Brody, he may elect to legalize the Philp surname with the County of Riverside and will notify Dad and Mom of his wishes. Dad and Mom promise to act on Brody’s wishes, when the time arrives.

Termination of Contract Terms

Under the Philp Phamily Phoundation guidelines, this “Contract of Devotion” cannot be terminated at any time. Neither party involved can cease their rights, or the rights of the other party. This contract cannot become null or void at any point, no matter what the circumstances. You are bound by the terms of this contract and unionized as father and son.


See Page 3 for Approvals and Consent.
Approval and Consent

By signing this document, you hereby agree to all the terms and conditions detailed above and agree to communicate with each other, resolve issues as needed, and provide forgiveness if any terms or conditions are not met to your satisfaction.



Signed:__________________________________ Date:___________________
Brody Philp
Son
Stakeholder of the Philp Phamily Phoundation

Signed:_________________________________ Date:___________________
Thomas V. Philp III
Dad
Co-Founder of the Philp Phamily Phoundation


Witness:________________________________ Date:___________________
Reyna Philp
Mom
Co-Founder of the Philp Phamily Phoundation


Witness:________________________________ Date:___________________
Jacob Blackwell
Son
Stakeholder of the Philp Phamily Phoundation


Witness:________________________________ Date:___________________
Cecilia Philp
Daughter
Stakeholder of the Philp Phamily Phoundation


Witness:________________________________ Date:___________________
Xavier Philp
Son
Stakeholder of the Philp Phamily Phoundation

So really, who is not crying? :)

I have never been one to say that I want or need a man to come into my life and be like a second father to my boys...ever...and I don't want or need that at all (in fact the thought of it in my life seems strange); but if someday I get married again, like Reyna did, I imagine that he will be the type of man that would eventually want to sign something like this...and I imagine that my heart would be filled with complete adoration as I know Reyna's is...