"Most of 'em shock the hell outta me..." - Vivian Ward

Has anyone ever experienced the feeling of shock when someone does something that hurts you, even when their past behavior has proven that they will, time after time, hurt you?

It happened to me a couple days ago.

First it was like BAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM SHOCK.

And then it was me wanting to cry several times.

And then it was me feeling stupid that, despite my afore mentioned chances to KNOW better, I had believed what they said and I had put trust in them.

And at last it was as if the finality of it all sunk in and I accepted it.

I mean, honestly, I am still a bit shocked and rattled, but I have chosen to draw the line and walk on. I cannot allow myself to be shocked this much by people any longer. I believe it's the desire in my heart to see the good in people. Or maybe I'm just naive.

Whatchya waiting for?

I am 29.


I am not getting any younger.


As these facts are sinking in deeper every day (along with the wrinkles on my face), I realized the need to do my best to stop thinking about someday and start thinking about today.



Earlier I thought for a few moments about things that I'd like to do in my lifetime. There are many many many things, but a few of them quickly popped in my brain during those few moments.



1. Finish reading the Bible.


2. Run a marathon.


3. Stay in an over water bungalow in Bora Bora.

(Can't you just picture me in there?)

4. Travel to Ireland, Italy and Alaska (to name a few).


5. Do a mud run.


6. Get married. (I reserve the right to remove this or any item from the list at any time btw).


7. Have a daughter and name her Kate or Avery.


8. Sike!!!!!! I don't want to have a daughter. Just thought I'd throw that in there to keep you on your toes. ;)


9. Get my Masters Degree. Just have to decide...one of: 1. Guidance, 2. Business, 3. Physical Education, or maybe all three.


10. Complete a triathlon (an Ironman would be amazing).





These things aren't in any particular order, they are just all things that I'd like to do...goals I'd like to obtain....items I will put forth effort to accomplish. Some are more important to me than others, but I would like to do them all. And there is more where that came from. I better get busy, eh!?

God Blessed Me With a Divorce

I know, you probably read the title and followed it with a big "HUH?" Divorces are awful, right?

Well, keep thinking that for a few because I don't have time to write about this right now but I will later tonight. :) Thanks to Trisha for our discussion today because I was reminded again how thankful I am for the hidden blessings in my life.

[Oh, and note to self...don't forget to write the blog about the "stick" mom bought for you - sheesh! :)]

Ok I'm back. So, yes, God blessed me with a divorce.

Some background: My divorce was one of the most difficult things I have ever gone through. I didn't want it. I prayed almost constantly to God for days and days...longer...asking Him to bring my family back together. One night I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't sleep either and I was exhausted. I talked to my ex husband's grandpa Luther on the phone that night and told him what I was going through. He told me to pray. I told him I was. He told me to pray loudly, scream if it made me feel better. So I sat there and practically begged God to help me sleep and to take the horrible thoughts away from my mind, if only for a little while. That is the last thing I remember before waking up the next morning. That prayer was answered.

But others weren't. My marriage ended and I became a single mom. I never thought I would be a single mom. For what was probably more than 6 months, I would just start crying at work. I would cry in the car. I was a complete mess.

Later after my divorce was final, one year after we first separated, I was feeling better. I wasn't feeling like my old pre-divorce self though. I was feeling like my pre-marriage self. I was happy! I was alive! The light was back in me. In noticing this and in talking with those closest to me, I realized how incredibly unhappy I was during my marriage. My sister said it best when she told me that "misery spewed from my pores." I was stuck in a loveless marriage with a person who I resented for so many reasons. And God gave me an out. He didn't answer my prayers.

Thank you God for unanswered prayers!!!!!