What can I say about the title of this blog post? I was born and raised...and still live in SoCal...a little rubs off on a girl, you know!? :)
Anyway, one thing that I love about being able to come to "The Other Side" is the fact that I am not sensored. "Three's Company" is for me and my boys. They read it, they laugh at it, we enjoy it. This blog is for me. It's for me to rant about things and talk about whatever I want.
My "baby daddy" [BD] is definitely worth a rant. I'll try not to rant too much...since I do consider it a waste of time, but honestly, sometimes, I just can't help myself.
Yesterday we visited John's Incredible Pizza Company for Brenden's birthday. It was an ABSOLUTE BLAST. We danced in the beach room to fun tunes, ate yummy food, played super fun games, and really just had a great time. Visit "Three's Company" for details. ;)
The party started at 11am....wait I should back up. A couple of weeks before the party I talked to BD about it, invited him and his family, asked if he'd like to help with the expenses, etc. He said he would let me know. Three or more times after that I questioned him about it and always received the same reply. The day before the party he called me and wondered what was up with the party. He told me that he was waiting for his dad to tell him if he would be coming and bringing his family. His dad never called him back about it BTW. Sad. Anyway, he said that he would be there and would bring an ice cream cake. I told him it wasn't necessary since I was making really fancy cupcakes but he said he wanted to so fine, that was great. So, that day he told me he would call me back after 2 and let me know for sure who was coming, etc. He never called me back.
Ok, day of party. We arrived at 10:45am...a tad early to get things situated. BD called at 10:50am and said he was on his way but he didn't know if his wife and child and stepchildren were coming yet. I explained that the party was in 10 minutes, and questioned how he could not know if they were coming. He didn't really give me any details. So I asked him if he was close and he was somewhere still kinda far away. I told him that he was going to miss everything. We hung up. Party started, people ate, presents were opened, Heelys were celebrated, Happy Birthday was sung, fancy cupcakes were consumed, Fun Cards were passed out, kids were playing games. BD called at 1:25pm. He was there. Every guest had gone home already except my sister in law Jay and my sister's boyfriend Greg (and my parents). Ethan and Brenden rushed excitedly to greet their dad. So in he waltzed with his brood. No presents for Brenden. No ice cream cake. They all looked terribly unhappy...all 5 of them. They ate. And played some games. I was ready to go after a while. BD had planned on taking the boys home with him that night but obviously it wasn't going to happen since they only brought one car. At one point, BD came up to me explaining how they were late because of his wife and he had to turn around and go all the way back home to get her and the kids and she would kill him if she found out that he just put $10 each on their fun cards for them and not her kids and he hates her so much and he wants to leave and he is starting school full time in a week and blaaaaaaaaaah blaaaaaaaaaaah blaaaaaaaaaaaaah. The man speaks a language called Excuse. It's all he knows. He plans his life around excuses, and lives by them. In December it will be 10 years since I married him. I KNOW that he knows no other language. My children adore this person. They didn't express any disappointment. Either they are used to it or oblivious. BD asked if they could stay a while and he would leave his wife and the other kids there and bring them home later. Ok. One hour later he was calling, bringing them home.
Now people say that someday my children will realize "the truth" about their dad. I wonder though if they will always look at him adoringly as they do now. (Honestly, as much as I do for Ethan, care for him and love him, he would "choose" his dad over me if given a choice. But that's another blog post!) Really, I wish that I could see them look at him that way and be happy because he is a wonderful father. But I can't. I actually used to think that he was a good dad. And I still know that he genuinely loves the boys. He plays with them and laughs with them and has a good time with them when they are together. But being a dad is about more than that. It's about setting a good example, leading them onto a good path, providing stability, being there at the start of the birthday party, not when it is over...
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4 comments:
You are going to hate me for this comment, but I am your best friend so I'm going to leave it anyway.
The boys are ALWAYS going to love their dad. Whether they love him unconditionally through all of his faults, or see him as great, because that's just what they subconscoiusly want to believe.
He is their dad and that simple fact alone, probably holds more than anything he will/won't do for them.
Although the boys are probably too young to acknowledge it now, one day, they will see all that you have done for them, and may even see what a not so hot job their papa did...but he will always be their dad. That is something you are going to have to accept. They didn't choose their father, you did.
In the meantime, vent away to your friends and family, but as hard as it is, try not to do it in front of the boys. They will internalize it, because they are half him and love him. TRUST ME!!!
Thanks for your post Brookie. :)
But wait...I never said that I don't want them to love their dad. Of course I want them to love him....and I'm glad they do.
I just wish he was a better dad...that's all. Someday they might notice how much he sucks and it might hurt them...you know?
XOXO
Erin,
I completely understand what Brooke wrote, but as you know, I am on the other side of the fence with you. I am nearly 17 years deep into it.
It really hit home when she said "they didn't choose their father, you did!"
This is true, however, comma, LOL, when we "chose" these men, we expected nothing but the best for our children. We expected what we had as children. We expected our father and grandfathers. These BD's let us down and even more so, our children were let down.
My boys are much older and are going through a different stage. They are WAY BEYOND worshiping their father. They now see the truth, the truth you wish your boys knew now. But let me say, it's terribly sad, terribly. Instead of Jake being a happy little boy, excitedly waiting on the curb to be picked up by his dad for the day, whether 2 hours or 2 days late, instead he is now a sad young man, let down time after time, hurting, wondering what he did to deserve this.
I talk with him often about it, letting him know that he can learn from this. His father is providing him with one great gift, a lesson on how NOT to treat your children one day. And that you can be buddies with your father and love him, but not have to look up to him as a guide in life. And it really could be so much worse. So much worse!
So, with that I say, let them enjoy it while they can. They will find out soon enough and they will only love him more when you don't.
I promise you, they will understand most everything you have done for them one day. You will have your day, but you have to be patient and enjoy their happiness, whoever brings it to them.
Motherhood is the most thankless job known to mankind. It's not until your children become parents themselves and become successful tax paying citizens that you are rewarded for your efforts.
Right now, you'll have to live on hugs, kisses, and cute little faces as payment. And enjoy that too, it fades! :)
Have a great day!
Reyna
Thanks for your thoughts and feedback Reyna. It means a lot coming from someone who has been there, done that...
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