I have been told that with God in your heart, you will be full.
I have been told that children bring meaning to life.
I do believe that both of these are true, but even with all of the love in my life, sometimes it feels like something is missing.
I admit that it is exciting to meet new people and learn about them. I am fine with "Hello, it's nice to meet you." It's exciting to talk to someone new and click with them. It feels good to branch out.
But sometimes, honestly, I wish only to be able to look over at a kind, familiar face and say "I know you, everything there is to know, and I love you," without wondering if they will be around next month, next year or next decade. I don't want to wonder if it's ok to call someone. I don't want to think about someone and hope they are thinking of me. I want to have a life with someone. I want to grow old with someone. I want to have lasting love with someone who I adore and who adores me back, unconditionally.
I guess this is what we all want, so I know, this is no news flash.
It's only how I am feeling at this exact time on this exact day.
Something is missing, indeed.
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2 comments:
I can't even begin to know how you feel...but I know I would be a lost soul without Ryan.
Erin, he has to be out there. I don't know where, but the world is SUCH a big place. Your prince will come- he is out there and will probably show up when you least expect it...
Maybe he is out here in Indy??? Get your ass out here...xoxoxoxoxo
Your blog touched me. I can truly understand what you are feeling. I have found someone and fallen in love and I feel so lucky, but now and then I get nervous something will go wrong and I will lose him, or things wont work out, etc. I guess normal anxiety everyone gets, but over the past week I have truly been struggling, since I had such a long break up last time and hadnt dated for a year since my divorce, I think I was just used to being married and knowing I was in a "thing" I didnt have the same unknown feeling about a relationship.
I swear the service at Church this week was about exactly this subject and this is what I took from it, maybe it will give you prospective.
Our Pastor said and I am paraphrasing - we have to give it up to God. we have to have faith that what is meant to come will do so, we have to remain people who live in his will. We cannot dwell on those things that we cant change, we cant change the where, the who and the when we can only change the why. We cannot know who we will marry, but know that we will control why we marry them and leave the when and who to God to lead us to.
It was all about surrender and remembering that living with fear of the unknown isnt living. I thought it was great and it spoke to my heart! I hope it helps.
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